Something to chew on

Passive-Aggressive anger is one of the more destructive interpersonal styles. It is a behavior characterized by the phrase, "You can't make me!" The statement is undeniably true. We can hurt people; we can threaten them, or lock them up. But we cannot make people perform. People only perform out of a willingness to do so. Since relationships are built on agreements, if someone makes an agreement and then doesn't follow through, this is angry behavior that is based on not doing something. That aspect of "not doing" is what makes this kind of behavior passive-aggressive.As a style of anger use, passive-aggressive behavior is incredibly destructive to relationships. It destroys trust, and the people on the other side of this behavior experience it as crazy making. They hear the words of agreement spoken, and continue to hope that agreements will be kept, only to experience escalating levels of injury, frustration and anger. In this way, passive-aggressive behavior draws anger towards the person behaving that way. The partner, often called the "Hostile-Dependent," makes more and more accusations, all true, about the passive-aggressive partner's betrayal of trust though breaking agreements.